A NEW MORNING

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Each morning brings a new chance to love yourself, to do things which you want to do, to help others, to actualize your potentials, to ask for forgiveness, to forgive people who hurt you, and to set new directions for reaching your goals.

It is only in your hand to let go of the past, as it has no value now, because it is gone forever, you can only change what is today or tomorrow. Each day brings a fresh opportunity to live it to the fullest, to change the things we want to, to love a little more, to give more, living in moment and making it memorable for years to come.

Choose your words wisely, make your decisions in full knowledge, love fully, letting go of hurt, and cherishing every moment and making it worthwhile. Each day is a blessing, so make most of it, it is no wonder if you treat your day as a blessing, you will look forward to it, you would want to make it a good and profitable one. One which is rich in knowledge, love, happiness, and enriching in every manner.

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HAPPINESS OF MARRIED AND UNMARRIED

“Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see in touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy, it is that which we think, feel and do, first for the other fellow than for ourselves”,  Helen Keller.

The terms associated with happiness are momentary joy, satisfaction with life, long term enjoyment. It is a positive state; which refers to relaxed, elated or calm. It is mediated by the person’s system of values and cognitive interpretive structures. Some predictors of happiness are; social competence, social skills, and cooperativeness, satisfaction with relationships with people from whom support has been received and engagement in serious leisure activity and sense of achievement.

 It is the sense of acceptance with things, people and situations, and even with ourselves which makes us happy. Acceptance makes our lives easier and helps us in coming to terms with people and the situation. If we are contended with what we are, and have acceptance of our successes and failures, and of the people among whom we live, of the situations and events which we go through in our daily life we would certainly feel happiness and calmness in us. Think about the people we love in our life, do we love them the way they are. It develops acceptance in us, by loving the person the way he/she is.

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful”, Albert Schweitzer.

Throughout our lives we run after money and do everything possible in order to gain more of it, in the meanwhile sacrificing our family life. Researches done recently negate this theory. Over the life cycle as income increases and then levels off, happiness remains unchanged, contradicting the inference that income and happiness go together.

 It doesn’t matter to which socioeconomic status you belong, whether you are married or single, male or female, happiness is not going to be predicted by any of these factors. The differences between the happiness level of male and female, whether they are married or not are fast decreasing. Lyubomirsky, Seccombe and Shehan concluded that, the “happiness gap” has decreased both because those who have never married have experienced increasing happiness, and those married have experienced decreasing happiness along with no significant relationship between gender and happiness. The difference in happiness between married people and people who never married has fallen in recent years, as found in research.

Some steps can be taken in order to have a more satisfying life:

(1)   Positive things that happened:

Go through the events of the whole week and screen out the things whose outcomes were positive. Count your blessings, and focus on them. Be optimistic, as it keeps away the negative thoughts from entering into your mind.

(2)   Pay gratitude visit:

Write a testimonial thanking your mentor, teacher, friend, your parent, grandparents or anyone whom you owe a debt of gratitude for guiding you or helping you in any way. Don’t wait to express your appreciation.

Seligman says; “the people who show their gratitude towards someone, even just once, are remarkably happier and less depressed a month later”.

(3)   Commit acts of kindness:   

Be kind and generous to others, whether friends or strangers, and also show kindness toward yourself. We often are kind to complete strangers but when we reach home we turn into an angry person. Because we become relaxed and in the meanwhile forget basic kindness and gentleness. Just being kind to others fill us up with positive feelings and gives us a sense of connection with others and wins us smiles and appreciation which are happiness boosters.

(4)   Reduce stress:  

We feel unhappy, angry, irrational, depressed, and anxious, have low self esteem, become impatient and are easily frustrated. Take control of your life and distress yourself. Take a deep breath and relax yourself, think rationally while in control of yourself.

Communication also plays a vital role in reducing stress. Talk to someone whom you are close to, be it your friend, parent or life partner. Sharing your problem, ideas, and fears or even discussing about the future or your aspirations with someone close helps in reducing stress.

(5)   Recharge yourself by eating healthy:    

Recharge by getting plenty of sleep, exercising, and breathing fresh air, walking, stretching, smiling and laughing. These all will enhance your mood and refresh your mind. Eat healthy food, green leafy vegetables, drink fresh juices.

(6)   Set goals and identify your strengths and weaknesses: 

Setting goals and aims helps us in identifying our strengths and weaknesses. “Writing about your goals gives you an opportunity to learn about who you really are”, says Lyubomirsky, “It helps you to see the big picture of your life”.

“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within” Romana L. Anderson.

LIMITING OTHERS INTERFERENCE

Do keep a check, whom you give liberty to browse through your life and keep them in their limits.

Limits are important, even for ourselves (sometimes) and for people around us. It keeps you sane, for not pushing yourself harder to work and repair things that are irreparable, for exhausting yourself. Just don’t limit your aspirations and take up challenges.

Unwanted interference from people, continuous advises, are not the things you want. It is better to keep people in their limits, so they do not exceed and make your life their own.

Define your limits for people, so they would know it, through your behavior and attitude. You don’t want to be pestered by their judgments, of what you are doing in your life. It will keep problems away from you, and others will start respecting the line you have drawn for them.

DREAM ON

How could there be so much hate within love,
Not for a moment letting go,
Yet again more promises are made,
And lots of broken dreams behind,
Searching soul, to find love,
Wondering where would it lead this time,
How could the hurt be fogotten,
Not knowing what to do,
Close your eyes and dream on……. Parisa Khan

YOU ARE WORTHY

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Have you been feeling down lately. Worrying, what others think of you, and about the way you spend your life.

You really do need to focus here. See what words I used in above sentence “the way you spend your life”. It means it is your life, and no one has anything to do with it. Self worth comes from within, and no one else can fix it for you. And self worth is not linked to how rich you are, how much money you earn, how many cars you have, your social status, etc.

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You cannot make anyone to be a judge on your behavior, your aspirations, your goals, your life. It is your own, and you have all the power to exercise it, the way you want it to. It is your own opinion about yourself that counts. Other peoples opinions can not be in any way the yard stick for your worth. The way you perceive yourself, what value you think you have in your own eyes, counts.

It is only this realization, that helps you in defining and understanding of your actions, your strengths and weaknesses, your attitude towards life in general.

“Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.” ~ Lululemon.

Only through reflecting, knowing your talents and taking control of your life, ignoring what others think of you, can lead you to your destiny, to a path that you think is best for you. Know that you are not here to impress or please anyone, or to dance on someone else’s tune. Seek affirmations of your attitude towards life, from yourself, as you alone knows what is best for you. Then take the path that is more enlightening for yourself, based on your own judgement, capabilities and desire.

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  THE LESSONS OF LIFE

As we age, we all as human beings, learn things through our own experiences, and shared experiences. As we know that no one is perfect, and we make mistakes, only to learn from them, and try not to commit the same mistake again. No one can say that, they didn’t make mistake in their life, it is just part of growing up, getting more mature and experienced.

As we grow up we become aware that, our actions have consequences for which we are accountable to ourselves. We become a little wiser, and start analyzing life and its happening more alertly, become more conscious of our decision making process. We try to chose things that are in accordance to our nature, and we tend to take risks too, knowing how much we can push ourselves, or how strong we are to face adversity.

Each mistake that we make, give us a new lesson, a new way of thinking and approaching ideas, and decisions in our life. We keep on struggling to find a path to our destiny, by trial and error process, approaching ideas and ways each time in a different manner, one that suits our need and fulfills our desire. Learning motivates us to be more resilient, inculcates a deeper understanding of the life we are living.

All of you must be knowing this saying:

“TIME TEACHES ALL”.

Stop for a moment and relax, breath in and out with ease, and take your time in doing so. Now think what you learned in life, all the time that you spent, going to school, college, having relationships  friends, your work.

  • What you really learned?
  • Have you been able to rectify your mistakes?
  • Have you really learned anything that set the future course of your life?
  • What you changed by your experiences?
  • Or, all the learning that you did had gone waste?

Start your learning, and exploring yourself:

  • Everyone is leading his/her own life, so why not you stop worrying about others and start living yourself , for a start.
  • Know that whatever you choose for yourself, gives a much more higher satisfaction, as compared to, what others chose for you.
  • Start treating life as a friendly journey, where you indulge and play, and learn what has to offer you.
  • Never let go of the lesson an experience taught you, it is so much valuable for you, as you do not want to go through it again.
  • Learn to treat the life, the way you want to be treated. Whatever goes along comes along.
  • Life is too precious to waste, so learn to live inn the full manner and let others live to.
  • Give a chance to yourself to LIVE, by FORGIVING, it is the greatest thing that you can do for yourself. 
  • Keep on struggling on road to success, as nothing goes to waste. You will succeed sooner or later.
  • Decide whether you wan to be happy for the rest of your life or not, because it is your own attitude towards life, which will come to you.
  • Make peace with your past.
  • Stay true and loyal to yourself, don’t take help of cheating, to succeed, as you will fall if you do so.
  • Relationships are precious, give them, their time. You will know its worth, when it is not there.
  • Let go of things that are beyond repair, and cannot be changed, choose another path towards your goals.
  • Be thankful for whatever you have at present, don’t look back, nor forward.
  • Know one thing, that nothing can be achieved just by wishful thinking. You are supposed to take action in a positive manner, and set your horses on a favorable direction.
  • Be courageous, nothing will defeat you, not even your own fears.
  • Surround yourself with people who motivates you, keep you pushing and make you realize how special you are. Not the fake ones who are nothing and develop dependency in you.

 

“There are no such things as limits to growth, because there are no limits to the human capacity for intelligence, imagination, and wonder.” Ronald Reagan.

SELF ACCEPTANCE

We keep on finding the purpose behind our actions, thinking up of things that could have worked, if we have chosen some other path, hate ourselves for not changing the present circumstances, keep on the look out to be happy and contended. But wait, what we miss is the acceptance of ourselves  the acceptance of the present, acceptance that we are responsible for our choices and actions, and acceptance that only we are the door keeper to lead happiness in our life and no one else. 

The true meaning of life is found through acceptance of self.

Get a grip of things that happen in your life, become more conscious while making decisions  and believe what ever you do, you do it yourself and no one else is there to take the blame of your unhappiness.

If we keep on looking for things that are not in our life, and keep on wishing and punishing ourselves for it, it make us feel more miserable. Same goes for accepting what others say about us. Unhappiness comes in, when we start living to others expectations, We start doing things, which others approve of, and start living the way it is acceptable by others. It is simple, either you live by the acceptance of others and signup a contract to be unhappy, or take charge of yourself and develop self acceptance.

Learn to accept your situation, your destiny, your current status, and then go and try to make it different by your own effort. Most importantly, accept yourself just the way you are, your strengths and weaknesses, your highs and lows, your moods, your body image, acceptance of how mush you love your self, acceptance of how you work under pressure, acceptance of how much crap you can take from other people, acceptance of your goals, and acceptance of how much you can make out of this precious life which is given to you. 

Self acceptance  is the first to make you shine, to realize your goals, to attain all the things which you want, and plays an important role in making you happy. When you learn to accept yourself, only then you can accept others and appreciate them whole heatedly.

No amount of meditation, or spiritual connections will help you, if self acceptance  is not present.  Start cultivating acceptance, and see the differences it makes in your life. 

  • Learn to let go of things that are not meant for you, instead of trying to change things which are not in your power to change.
  • Know what your strengths and weakness are, and what things you love doing, only then you can choose a better and favorable path to your goals. 
  • Accept the people and situations, the way they are, it will be easier for you to deal with them accordingly.
  • Pinpoint which things make you happy, and which things pushes you to your nerves end. 
  • Know how imperfect you are, this will help you in accepting other people with their imperfections.
  • Accept the consequences of your actions, whether good or bad, it will guide you next time when you are making a decision. 
  • Be kind to yourself, and don’t judge yourself for things you did that went wrong.
  •  Stop searching for acceptance of yourself, from other people. 
  • Accept your body, and learn to love your soul. Try to be healthy and active.
  • Confront yourself for your failings, understand the reasons behind it, and move on with a positive thought of changing it.

PARENTS, YOUR LIFE

Parents are  your whole life. They teach you how to be happy with small things that you have. They are there whenever you need them, no matter how old you are, or have kids of your own. They care for you no matter if their own health is down the hill. They wake up at night to pray for your success when you are in your school and latter on in other phases of life too. They guide you, build your personality, make you confident. They teach you the difference between right and wrong paths. They cry when you are hurt or sad. Work hard day and night, so that you get the best of everything, they have in their means, thus, they do all the things they can and beyond too, just to see that you stand on your own feet, and lead a life on your own. Thus, they are every step of the way, praying for you all the time. 

SUCCESSFUL RAISING

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There is no fixed formula or pattern to raise a child. The parenting styles varies from child to child, depending on the nature of the parents, availability of the parents, and the nature of the child.

Be like the way, you want your child to be. Provide them with the right kind of environment, for growth, stability in emotions, and capability to think in a free manner. Every child has their own set of demands, which they want to be fulfilled. Some children express it in the gentle manner, while other show aggression. It is important mold them in a more appropriate and acceptable behavior.

There is certainly no need to jump in every now and then to be a dictator, laying down rules, being pushy and over observant. Children like to spend sometime alone, playing, where they do not want to be judged and told whether they are right or wrong. So, give them a little space, if they want to play alone or with other children, let them. Elbowing your way in is quiet embarrassing for your child, especially in presence of other children.

From the start show the importance of manners, by exercising it yourself, like, PLEASE, THANK YOU, WELCOME, GOOD MORNING, BLESS YOU etc. The child will observe you and follow course, once it is established at an early age, rest of the manner hierarchy is achieved on its own.

Refrain yourself from being over protective, let them do things on their own. This part is the difficult one, especially for mothers. I guess I did, the same, and was told to stop doing it, as it is not good for all the right reasons. I really is difficult to see your child having a hard time climbing and while coming down having a fall, where you can not stop yourself from providing all the help you can think up of. RESTRAIN. This is the greatest challenge I assume. Let them struggle, it will develop their ability to learn new tactics and improving their mistakes, and learning better ways to approach a problem.

In order to exercise some rules at home, it is better to have some discipline first, where the child knows what things are done in what manner. Whether they can play first or do they homework, or where they can watch cartoon endlessly or play outside, or do cycling. What I think works is, the TIME TABLE. It is not necessary to be very rigid, but the baseline is there for every one to follow. Even kids will automatically start thinking in that way. For example, they know in evenings they have to finish their school home work, they might like to watch a little TV for their Cartoon show, for which you can give them a little time, and they themselves will off TV and come to their work desks to finish off their work. IT REALLY WORKS, IT IS WORKING WITH ME.

Be warm and kind, hugging and loving your child and telling them that you love them do wonders for their emotions. Instead of being angry, take a deep breath and tell them assertively what is wrong behavior and which behavior is acceptable. Keep on practicing, it will work, Patience is the key in achieving everything, remember that.

Don’t ever scold or raise your voice on your child, in presence of others. This is the most humiliating thing that you can do, for embarrassing them. It is always better, to go down on your knees and explain that the behavior they are showing is not acceptable, if they need something, they should ask for it slowly and using the words like please. That’s what I do when my child is throwing a tantrum in supermarket. It do works.

Be there for your kids, spend  quality time with them, rather thinking that you can buy smiles by giving them toys etc. It doesn’t last in the long run. Kids do remember the sharing time, playing time as a family. Quality time means, that you switch off TV, put away your cell phone, and play with them, hear them out, listen to them carefully and respond them in the kindest manner possible.

 

 

 

 

RELATIONSHIPS ARE PRECIOUS

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Every relationship begins with excitement, joy, and long time life commitments are made by both partners. Building up a healthy understanding is crucial in the beginning, which lays a foundation stone for years to come. Give time to each other exclusively  without any other commitments, try to understand the nature of the partner, grew close in a loving relationship.

Once the relationship is established  after a sometime, it seems a drag. We all know a few bumps and down the hill factors come in ones marriages, that is the normal thing, and nothing to be depressive about.

The main things is to recognize them at the right time, and deal with it without taking sides, in a rational and practical manner. It is the couples responsibility to understand the problems, which they are having, and try to sit together and sort them out in a positive manner, keeping in view the marriage, and how they want to make it successful.

While living together, we get to know, how the other person works in different situations, what make the other partner ticks, what are the things that the partner likes and what he/she dislikes, what is the nature of the other person. This helps a lot in approaching the issue, and resolving it in a sensible manner.

Most of the problems arise from poor communication, where the partners have lack of communication and are unable to express their feelings, or are unable to share things. This doesn’t happen in one day, it starts and is noticed later on. It is important for both the partners to identify this issue early, and should never close channels of communication, expressing ones feelings, emotions and thoughts. 

If are having a strained relationship, give it time, put in more efforts to make each other happy, be around at time of need, show your love, and concern, don’t let your partner be in a withdrawn state.

Start by:

  • Understand to which background and lifestyle your partner belongs to, it will make things easier for you to handle and understand. Everyone is different in showing emotions and reacting to things, some are over joyous  have more descriptive ability, some show more love and demand it in return to, while some are overly angry sort.
  • Don’t push your presence on the other person. Everyone has their own personal space, and like to exercise it to. Giving someone space doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t love you, rather it is a more mature way of living.
  • Don’t force your likes and dislikes on your partner. If you are doing that, it will definitely crush their happiness. As no one is same, than how can the likes and dislikes for things can be similar. Let the partner have freedom of expression  and never try to force your thinking on him/her.
  • It is reminded to us from time and again, not to have expectations. It is true too in marriage as well. Cut down on expectations as they really, if they are not met. 
  • Everyone has their own point of view, so why not you 2 have as well. Accepting others view is important. Try to find out what your partner means by a certain thing he/she said. What was the reason behind that thinking, it will make it easier for you to understand that view point. There is no point in fighting over a thinking pattern either of you have. Even if you do not agree what other have said, just accept it or provide a rational statement, and avoid having an argument.
  • Stop relying on technology to express your feelings. I certainly not believe on Telephone conversation, as you never know what mood the other person is in. Rather set up a time to relax and sharing. Take time out from your responsibilities and spend quality time with each other, which is uninterrupted by phones, TV, or other such techno stuff. 
  • Sometimes it is advisable to be just quiet and make your partner feel relax too. if you are having an argument and knows no matter what you say, your partner will not listen, give in, and stay calm. It doesn’t mean that yo are wrong, it means you are responsible enough to make your relationship work and love your partner.
  • Don’t assume that your partner will judge our mood and your thinking, and will act accordingly. Speaking up and expressing yourself puts your emotions in a better light, rather than staying in a  MUM state. 
  • Spend sometime alone, in relaxing and going out, doing things that you like, it freshens you up, which is very positive.
  • Develop trust in your partner, and trusting your partner as well. Never leave any room for doubt.
  • If you are having doubts, speak up and let your partner know, sort hem out in a relaxed manner.
  • Don’t be criticizing all  the time, whether its your husband or your wife. No one is perfect, understand the persons strengths and weaknesses and accept them.
  • Apologizing doesn’t make you small, it means that you care enough.
  • You can never truly love someone, by changing them. So stop thinking that way.
  • Plan holidays where the two of you can have exclusive time for each other, this helps in strong bonding, which is essential in marriage.
  • Rekindle your love time and again.

Never leave a true relation for few small faults.
Nobody is perfect,nobody is correct… and Remember affection is always greater than perfection…”