Conflict is a natural, vital part of life. When conflict is understood, it can become an opportunity to learn and create. The challenge for people in conflict is to apply the principles of creative cooperation in their human relationships. (Richard Bodine, Donna Crawford, and Fred Schrumpf. Creating the Peaceable School: A Comprehensive Program for Teaching conflict Resolution).
Conflict management and its resolution is a skill to work effectively in academics, work or social setting, so as to succeed as an independent individual. Conflict Management skill develops early in life, where a child develops the ability to read the non-verbal cues like, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice etc. that are part of socializing.
In order to manage conflict begin by:
- Accepting the conflict. It will play an important role in managing conflict. Remember, conflict occurs in everyday life and it provides the opportunity to grow, understand and enhance communication skills.
- Whether you are a sounding board to your friend or you are dealing with your own conflicts, remember that your response or the way you deal with a conflicting situation might escalate the intensity or decrease the intensity of the problem at hand. Be calm as it provides an opportunity to be neutral and helps in thinking clearly the action plan to resolve the problem.
- Get to know or analyze the reasons behind the conflict, why it made you angry, what you are afraid of losing, who are you angry with etc.
- Be specific about the problem or the conflict and only devise ways to resolve it, without being judgmental.
- Work together, without blaming each other or self for the problem.
- Communicate effectively, which includes the behavior to listen, and speak about facts and feelings. Expressing your concerns without being aggressive, and exercising self-control in order to avoid emotional out-bursts.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. Eleanor Roosevelt.
Independent of your successes, failures or the opinion of others, the way you appreciate, value, accept yourselves is SELF-WORTH. Self-worth means that you have a favorable opinion of yourself and that you believe that you have a right to feel positive of yourself. And for doing so your actions, thoughts and beliefs are the milestones.
If you are experiencing or going through:
□ Low feeling.
□ Mood swings.
□ Feeling bad about being judged by others.
□ Not able to control/handle situations.
□ Dissatisfied with self or life.
□ Feeling of helplessness.
□ Unable to maintain social life.
It means that you are having low self- worth and you need to take actions to improve it.
If you are having low self-worth, you certainly can change your current state.
- Only you are responsible for your success.
- It’s okay to make mistakes.
- Only you have control on your future.
- Positive thinking leads to positive actions.
Give meaning to your life and live a happy life.
Sometimes we feel blocked and are unable to move ahead in life. When we introspect we come to know that the fear is stopping us from going ahead in life, stopping us from trying new things. It is important that we stop and think about our fears, and try to find out the reason behind it. Being scared and getting stuck at one place can never lead us to success. This is true for most of us.
- “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible: the fear of failure.” (Paulo Coelho).
- “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” (Theodore Roosevelt).
- “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” (Elbert Hubbard).
- All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha.
These sayings listed above do resonate with us at times when we think that we are unable to do or accomplish things in our life, most particularly in exams. Life is just not about getting what you want from yourself or what you want to be. Rather it’s about appreciating what you have and accepting what you have got. Life keeps us busy by giving us challenges, sometimes present us with hurdles. But what we need to do is look at the other side of the fence, just to encourage and appreciate ourselves, no matter how little we have or what we are at that current moment. Don’t just stop in mid-way, rather try again, putting your best, knowing that you can do with little more hard work. Overcome your fears.
Sometimes our fear might be due to personal factor, where we are ashamed of our own inability and our shortcomings. It also happens that we are afraid of being ridiculed by our classmates, disappointment of parents or probably afraid of losing teachers love when we fail in our exams.
Think about what went wrong with your failure and learn from your falling Remove the fear of failure and consider an alternative to reach your goals. Progress from that point, improving and enhancing yourself in the process. Learn to think positively and work towards building your self-esteem, which sure will help you in overcoming your fear of failure.
We do face the problem of negative thinking. It might be due to any incident or event that has occurred and we find ourselves in the midst of negative thinking pattern. Sometimes it is so over-powering that it controls every aspect of our lives.
Personal beliefs, our principles and morals are the basis of our thoughts. Our low mood triggers negative thoughts and forms a chain reaction if we are unable to identify and stop it.
Become aware of your thought processes, simply acknowledging that they exist, helps in managing the negative thoughts. Our thoughts are automatic and fast, they keep on popping up and bombarding us, more so when they are negative.
Thoughts that are more stressful or depressing should be dealt with first. Think about it, as they are the root cause of your negativity. When our beliefs are not matched with the outside world the distress creeps in. Identify the cause behind stress, despair and depression.
Negative thoughts lead to negative outcomes. If you are depressed you will be thinking of negative outcomes, like failure in exams, unable to submit assignments on time, inability to concentrate, hopelessness etc. In order to break free of this destructive negative thinking pattern, become aware how they work and on what bases.
Beliefs and values should be your main focus, as to see from where negative thinking is generating. Try to get control of things and situations before they become over whelming.
Be optimistic, as it plays a key role in addressing negative thinking. The optimistic person accepts the facts and searches for solutions, while a pessimist attributes the factors that are not even in the situation, thus making the problem bigger than it was in reality.
Focus on positive emotions and feelings, and replace the old thoughts by it. Think creatively and positively of the solutions, set achievable goals, and move away from negative triggers in the environment. Manage your negative emotions and feelings, this takes time, and your stress or depression will not simply vanish after it. But you will learn how to be a positive thinker.
If you continue to be negative, you will be attracting more negativity in life.
Let go of it and surround yourself with positive thoughts, you will be much happier.
While thinking what to write for my upcoming Counselling Newsletter for my school students, RESPONSIBILITY popped in my mind. And I thought that really this is missing these days in students, who are more carefree and tend to blame others. So here is what I wrote, enjoy reading.
Responsibility is basic to learning environment. Students who are well disciplined take responsibility for their own actions, behaviors and academics. They behave well, do better in academics, as they are self-motivated, and self-directed, having set goals that they have to achieve. Such students don’t make excuses for not completing their work, preparing for tests, and they don’t blame others for their own mistakes. Analyze your actions:
• Do you realize how precious time is for your academics? And you are not wasting it!
• You have set goals & are working towards achieving them.
• You have a study plan and keep track of your assignments.
• You do not wait for the last moment to start the preparation for tests.
• You follow teacher’s instruction.
• You are fair in your dealings and do not blame others for your follies. You know that you are responsible for your actions.
• You have faith in your abilities, and don’t become defensive when you make a mistake.
If all answers are in affirmative,
We are proud of you. You are really responsible!
“Peak performance begins with your taking complete responsibility for your life and everything that happens to you.”- Brian Tracy.