CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Conflict is a natural, vital part of life. When conflict is understood, it can become an opportunity to learn and create. The challenge for people in conflict is to apply the principles of creative cooperation in their human relationships. (Richard Bodine, Donna Crawford, and Fred Schrumpf. Creating the Peaceable School: A Comprehensive Program for Teaching conflict Resolution).

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Conflict management and its resolution is a skill to work effectively in academics, work or social setting, so as to succeed as an independent individual. Conflict Management skill develops early in life, where a child develops the ability to read the non-verbal cues like, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice etc. that are part of socializing.

 

 

In order to manage conflict begin by:

  • Accepting the conflict. It will play an important role in managing conflict. Remember, conflict occurs in everyday life and it provides the opportunity to grow, understand and enhance communication skills.
  • Whether you are a sounding board to your friend or you are dealing with your own conflicts, remember that your response or the way you deal with a conflicting situation might escalate the intensity or decrease the intensity of the problem at hand. Be calm as it provides an opportunity to be neutral and helps in thinking clearly the action plan to resolve the problem.
  • Get to know or analyze the reasons behind the conflict, why it made you angry, what you are afraid of losing, who are you angry with etc.
  • Be specific about the problem or the conflict and only devise ways to resolve it, without being judgmental.
  • Work together, without blaming each other or self for the problem.
  • Communicate effectively, which includes the behavior to listen, and speak about facts and feelings. Expressing your concerns without being aggressive, and exercising self-control in order to avoid emotional out-bursts.

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CRUSH FEAR OF FAILURE

Sometimes we feel blocked and are unable to move ahead in life. When we introspect we come to know that the fear is stopping us from going ahead in life, stopping us from trying new things. It is important that we stop and think about our fears, and try to find out the reason behind it. Being scared and getting stuck at one place can never  lead us to success. This is true for most of us.

 

  • “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible: the fear of failure. (Paulo Coelho).
  • “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. (Theodore Roosevelt).
  • “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” (Elbert Hubbard).
  • All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha.


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These sayings listed above do resonate with us at times when we think that we are unable to do or accomplish things in our life, most particularly in exams. Life is just not about getting what you want from yourself or what you want to be. Rather it’s about appreciating what you have and accepting what you have got. Life keeps us busy by giving us challenges, sometimes present us with hurdles. But what we need to do is look at the other side of the fence, just to encourage and appreciate ourselves, no matter how little we have or what we are at that current moment. Don’t just stop in mid-way, rather try again, putting your best, knowing that you can do with little more hard work. Overcome your fears.

Sometimes our fear might be due to personal factor, where we are ashamed of our own inability and our shortcomings. It also happens that we are afraid of being ridiculed by our classmates, disappointment of parents or probably afraid of losing teachers love when we fail in our exams.

Think about what went wrong with your failure and learn from your falling  Remove the fear of failure and consider an alternative to reach your goals. Progress from that point, improving and enhancing yourself in the process. Learn to think positively and work towards building your self-esteem, which sure will help you in overcoming your fear of failure.

PUNISHMENT

•Punishment is an action that is imposed on a person for breaking a rule showing improper conduct.
•Punishment aims to control behavior through negative means. 
TYPES OF PUNISHMENT
•Punishment involving negative verbal reprimands and disapproval, this type of punishment is also known as negative discipline.
•Punishment involving severe physical or emotional pain, as in corporal punishment.
What these punishments do?
•Both forms of punishment focus on the misbehavior and may do little or nothing to help a child behave better in future.
•The children learn that the adult is superior and the use of force be it verbal, physical or emotional is acceptable, especially over younger or weaker persons.
•The child feels angry, resentful or fearful.
•It causes shame, guilt, anxiety, increased aggression, and lack of caring for others.
VERBAL PUNISHMENTS
  • Verbal punishment is a form of negative discipline.
  • Use of short commands.
  • Some teachers use negative discipline approaches instead of corporal punishment.
NEGATIVE STRATEGIES INCLUDE
•COMMANDS: “Sit down and be quiet” or “write 100 times”.
•FORBIDDING STATEMENTS: “Don’t do that”.
•EXPLOSIVE, ANGRY STATEMENTS:You are in more trouble than you know”.
•CRITICIZING STATEMENTS: “Is that the best you can do?”
•THREATENING STATEMENTS: “If you don’t stop talking, I’ll send you to the principal’s office”.
•BELITTLING STATEMENTS: “When will you ever learn to write well?”
EMOTIONAL PUNISHMENT:

Emotional punishment is meant to humiliate the child and cause psychological pain.

•Ridiculing in public.
•Name-calling.
•Yelling.
•Denying something.
•Threats.

Sarcasm.

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT:

Corporal punishment is more visible.

•Punishing a child by making him/her stand, in or outside the class.
•Hitting the child.
•Pinching or pulling.
•Kicking, pushing or shaking.
BELIEFS FOR CORPORAL PUNISHMENT:
•Is effective.
•Prevents children from getting into trouble.
•Teaches them right from wrong.
•Is different from, physical punishment.

The research show that corporal punishment does none of these and is in fact  form of violent abuse against children.

(Durrant, Joan E. “Corporal Punishment Prevalence, Predictors & Implications for child Development”. In: Hart, Stuart N (ed.). Eliminating  corporal punishment: The way Forward to Constructive child Discipline. Paris: UNSECO Publishing. 2005.).

PARENTS, YOUR LIFE

Parents are  your whole life. They teach you how to be happy with small things that you have. They are there whenever you need them, no matter how old you are, or have kids of your own. They care for you no matter if their own health is down the hill. They wake up at night to pray for your success when you are in your school and latter on in other phases of life too. They guide you, build your personality, make you confident. They teach you the difference between right and wrong paths. They cry when you are hurt or sad. Work hard day and night, so that you get the best of everything, they have in their means, thus, they do all the things they can and beyond too, just to see that you stand on your own feet, and lead a life on your own. Thus, they are every step of the way, praying for you all the time. 

SUCCESSFUL RAISING

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There is no fixed formula or pattern to raise a child. The parenting styles varies from child to child, depending on the nature of the parents, availability of the parents, and the nature of the child.

Be like the way, you want your child to be. Provide them with the right kind of environment, for growth, stability in emotions, and capability to think in a free manner. Every child has their own set of demands, which they want to be fulfilled. Some children express it in the gentle manner, while other show aggression. It is important mold them in a more appropriate and acceptable behavior.

There is certainly no need to jump in every now and then to be a dictator, laying down rules, being pushy and over observant. Children like to spend sometime alone, playing, where they do not want to be judged and told whether they are right or wrong. So, give them a little space, if they want to play alone or with other children, let them. Elbowing your way in is quiet embarrassing for your child, especially in presence of other children.

From the start show the importance of manners, by exercising it yourself, like, PLEASE, THANK YOU, WELCOME, GOOD MORNING, BLESS YOU etc. The child will observe you and follow course, once it is established at an early age, rest of the manner hierarchy is achieved on its own.

Refrain yourself from being over protective, let them do things on their own. This part is the difficult one, especially for mothers. I guess I did, the same, and was told to stop doing it, as it is not good for all the right reasons. I really is difficult to see your child having a hard time climbing and while coming down having a fall, where you can not stop yourself from providing all the help you can think up of. RESTRAIN. This is the greatest challenge I assume. Let them struggle, it will develop their ability to learn new tactics and improving their mistakes, and learning better ways to approach a problem.

In order to exercise some rules at home, it is better to have some discipline first, where the child knows what things are done in what manner. Whether they can play first or do they homework, or where they can watch cartoon endlessly or play outside, or do cycling. What I think works is, the TIME TABLE. It is not necessary to be very rigid, but the baseline is there for every one to follow. Even kids will automatically start thinking in that way. For example, they know in evenings they have to finish their school home work, they might like to watch a little TV for their Cartoon show, for which you can give them a little time, and they themselves will off TV and come to their work desks to finish off their work. IT REALLY WORKS, IT IS WORKING WITH ME.

Be warm and kind, hugging and loving your child and telling them that you love them do wonders for their emotions. Instead of being angry, take a deep breath and tell them assertively what is wrong behavior and which behavior is acceptable. Keep on practicing, it will work, Patience is the key in achieving everything, remember that.

Don’t ever scold or raise your voice on your child, in presence of others. This is the most humiliating thing that you can do, for embarrassing them. It is always better, to go down on your knees and explain that the behavior they are showing is not acceptable, if they need something, they should ask for it slowly and using the words like please. That’s what I do when my child is throwing a tantrum in supermarket. It do works.

Be there for your kids, spend  quality time with them, rather thinking that you can buy smiles by giving them toys etc. It doesn’t last in the long run. Kids do remember the sharing time, playing time as a family. Quality time means, that you switch off TV, put away your cell phone, and play with them, hear them out, listen to them carefully and respond them in the kindest manner possible.