CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Conflict is a natural, vital part of life. When conflict is understood, it can become an opportunity to learn and create. The challenge for people in conflict is to apply the principles of creative cooperation in their human relationships. (Richard Bodine, Donna Crawford, and Fred Schrumpf. Creating the Peaceable School: A Comprehensive Program for Teaching conflict Resolution).

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Conflict management and its resolution is a skill to work effectively in academics, work or social setting, so as to succeed as an independent individual. Conflict Management skill develops early in life, where a child develops the ability to read the non-verbal cues like, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice etc. that are part of socializing.

 

 

In order to manage conflict begin by:

  • Accepting the conflict. It will play an important role in managing conflict. Remember, conflict occurs in everyday life and it provides the opportunity to grow, understand and enhance communication skills.
  • Whether you are a sounding board to your friend or you are dealing with your own conflicts, remember that your response or the way you deal with a conflicting situation might escalate the intensity or decrease the intensity of the problem at hand. Be calm as it provides an opportunity to be neutral and helps in thinking clearly the action plan to resolve the problem.
  • Get to know or analyze the reasons behind the conflict, why it made you angry, what you are afraid of losing, who are you angry with etc.
  • Be specific about the problem or the conflict and only devise ways to resolve it, without being judgmental.
  • Work together, without blaming each other or self for the problem.
  • Communicate effectively, which includes the behavior to listen, and speak about facts and feelings. Expressing your concerns without being aggressive, and exercising self-control in order to avoid emotional out-bursts.

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CRUSH FEAR OF FAILURE

Sometimes we feel blocked and are unable to move ahead in life. When we introspect we come to know that the fear is stopping us from going ahead in life, stopping us from trying new things. It is important that we stop and think about our fears, and try to find out the reason behind it. Being scared and getting stuck at one place can never  lead us to success. This is true for most of us.

 

  • “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible: the fear of failure. (Paulo Coelho).
  • “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. (Theodore Roosevelt).
  • “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” (Elbert Hubbard).
  • All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha.


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These sayings listed above do resonate with us at times when we think that we are unable to do or accomplish things in our life, most particularly in exams. Life is just not about getting what you want from yourself or what you want to be. Rather it’s about appreciating what you have and accepting what you have got. Life keeps us busy by giving us challenges, sometimes present us with hurdles. But what we need to do is look at the other side of the fence, just to encourage and appreciate ourselves, no matter how little we have or what we are at that current moment. Don’t just stop in mid-way, rather try again, putting your best, knowing that you can do with little more hard work. Overcome your fears.

Sometimes our fear might be due to personal factor, where we are ashamed of our own inability and our shortcomings. It also happens that we are afraid of being ridiculed by our classmates, disappointment of parents or probably afraid of losing teachers love when we fail in our exams.

Think about what went wrong with your failure and learn from your falling  Remove the fear of failure and consider an alternative to reach your goals. Progress from that point, improving and enhancing yourself in the process. Learn to think positively and work towards building your self-esteem, which sure will help you in overcoming your fear of failure.

EDUCATION MAKES A DIFFERENCE

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Education is the foundation stone, laid to build a building of knowledge and experiences. It defines who we are, and is not restricted to books, or to what we learn in schools or colleges. Gaining education is an ongoing process, same like knowledge, continued throughout our life. In today’s world Education is as important as mere breathing, without which you cannot survive.

Education enlightens us, gives us the capability to understand, broadens our perspectives  gives us the ability to look beyond a certain point. It helps us in exploring ourselves, exploring our potentials, making us aware of our interests, gives confidence  self respect, builds self esteem, and gives us the power to understand the differences of right and wrong, teaches us to respect the differences of opinions,  makes us learn the value of patience, and the list of its significance goes on. Education is the integral part of our lives.

The first verses of the Quran began with the word:

“Read. Read in the name of thy Lord who created; [He] created the human being from blood clot. Read in the name of thy Lord who taught by the pen: [He] taught the human being what he did not know.” (96: 1-5).

Education is not limited to getting good marks, it means that you learn new things, and increase your knowledge, to solve the problems of everyday life in a much better manner, to have a wide vision towards life, and to become a better individual of a responsible society. Education helps you in knowing, what your rights are, and how you can exercise them, guides you in the right direction, develops the ability to understand the meaning of your destiny, gives you the capability to think, and analyze, opens our minds to experiences, make us motivated to gain more knowledge beyond text books, gives you awareness of your potentials and how to explore them. A time comes when you acknowledge its benefits in practical life, and what ever that you learned from your schools, colleges, and universities is of great value. You feel confident to look for earning a livelihood, and you start utilizing what you learned.

Education is freedom to think, to speak, to hear, and to see. Enriches our life, so that we can enhance ourselves as individuals.

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“Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.” 
— Malcolm Forbes –

Education is a fundamental human right and essential for the exercise of all other human rights. It promotes individual freedom and empowerment and yields important development benefits. Yet millions of children and adults remain deprived of educational opportunities, many as a result of poverty.—-UNESCO.

 

RELATIONSHIPS ARE PRECIOUS

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Every relationship begins with excitement, joy, and long time life commitments are made by both partners. Building up a healthy understanding is crucial in the beginning, which lays a foundation stone for years to come. Give time to each other exclusively  without any other commitments, try to understand the nature of the partner, grew close in a loving relationship.

Once the relationship is established  after a sometime, it seems a drag. We all know a few bumps and down the hill factors come in ones marriages, that is the normal thing, and nothing to be depressive about.

The main things is to recognize them at the right time, and deal with it without taking sides, in a rational and practical manner. It is the couples responsibility to understand the problems, which they are having, and try to sit together and sort them out in a positive manner, keeping in view the marriage, and how they want to make it successful.

While living together, we get to know, how the other person works in different situations, what make the other partner ticks, what are the things that the partner likes and what he/she dislikes, what is the nature of the other person. This helps a lot in approaching the issue, and resolving it in a sensible manner.

Most of the problems arise from poor communication, where the partners have lack of communication and are unable to express their feelings, or are unable to share things. This doesn’t happen in one day, it starts and is noticed later on. It is important for both the partners to identify this issue early, and should never close channels of communication, expressing ones feelings, emotions and thoughts. 

If are having a strained relationship, give it time, put in more efforts to make each other happy, be around at time of need, show your love, and concern, don’t let your partner be in a withdrawn state.

Start by:

  • Understand to which background and lifestyle your partner belongs to, it will make things easier for you to handle and understand. Everyone is different in showing emotions and reacting to things, some are over joyous  have more descriptive ability, some show more love and demand it in return to, while some are overly angry sort.
  • Don’t push your presence on the other person. Everyone has their own personal space, and like to exercise it to. Giving someone space doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t love you, rather it is a more mature way of living.
  • Don’t force your likes and dislikes on your partner. If you are doing that, it will definitely crush their happiness. As no one is same, than how can the likes and dislikes for things can be similar. Let the partner have freedom of expression  and never try to force your thinking on him/her.
  • It is reminded to us from time and again, not to have expectations. It is true too in marriage as well. Cut down on expectations as they really, if they are not met. 
  • Everyone has their own point of view, so why not you 2 have as well. Accepting others view is important. Try to find out what your partner means by a certain thing he/she said. What was the reason behind that thinking, it will make it easier for you to understand that view point. There is no point in fighting over a thinking pattern either of you have. Even if you do not agree what other have said, just accept it or provide a rational statement, and avoid having an argument.
  • Stop relying on technology to express your feelings. I certainly not believe on Telephone conversation, as you never know what mood the other person is in. Rather set up a time to relax and sharing. Take time out from your responsibilities and spend quality time with each other, which is uninterrupted by phones, TV, or other such techno stuff. 
  • Sometimes it is advisable to be just quiet and make your partner feel relax too. if you are having an argument and knows no matter what you say, your partner will not listen, give in, and stay calm. It doesn’t mean that yo are wrong, it means you are responsible enough to make your relationship work and love your partner.
  • Don’t assume that your partner will judge our mood and your thinking, and will act accordingly. Speaking up and expressing yourself puts your emotions in a better light, rather than staying in a  MUM state. 
  • Spend sometime alone, in relaxing and going out, doing things that you like, it freshens you up, which is very positive.
  • Develop trust in your partner, and trusting your partner as well. Never leave any room for doubt.
  • If you are having doubts, speak up and let your partner know, sort hem out in a relaxed manner.
  • Don’t be criticizing all  the time, whether its your husband or your wife. No one is perfect, understand the persons strengths and weaknesses and accept them.
  • Apologizing doesn’t make you small, it means that you care enough.
  • You can never truly love someone, by changing them. So stop thinking that way.
  • Plan holidays where the two of you can have exclusive time for each other, this helps in strong bonding, which is essential in marriage.
  • Rekindle your love time and again.

Never leave a true relation for few small faults.
Nobody is perfect,nobody is correct… and Remember affection is always greater than perfection…”