CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Conflict is a natural, vital part of life. When conflict is understood, it can become an opportunity to learn and create. The challenge for people in conflict is to apply the principles of creative cooperation in their human relationships. (Richard Bodine, Donna Crawford, and Fred Schrumpf. Creating the Peaceable School: A Comprehensive Program for Teaching conflict Resolution).

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Conflict management and its resolution is a skill to work effectively in academics, work or social setting, so as to succeed as an independent individual. Conflict Management skill develops early in life, where a child develops the ability to read the non-verbal cues like, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice etc. that are part of socializing.

 

 

In order to manage conflict begin by:

  • Accepting the conflict. It will play an important role in managing conflict. Remember, conflict occurs in everyday life and it provides the opportunity to grow, understand and enhance communication skills.
  • Whether you are a sounding board to your friend or you are dealing with your own conflicts, remember that your response or the way you deal with a conflicting situation might escalate the intensity or decrease the intensity of the problem at hand. Be calm as it provides an opportunity to be neutral and helps in thinking clearly the action plan to resolve the problem.
  • Get to know or analyze the reasons behind the conflict, why it made you angry, what you are afraid of losing, who are you angry with etc.
  • Be specific about the problem or the conflict and only devise ways to resolve it, without being judgmental.
  • Work together, without blaming each other or self for the problem.
  • Communicate effectively, which includes the behavior to listen, and speak about facts and feelings. Expressing your concerns without being aggressive, and exercising self-control in order to avoid emotional out-bursts.

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THINKING NEGATIVELY

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We do face the problem of negative thinking. It might be due to any incident or event that has occurred and we find ourselves in the midst of negative thinking pattern. Sometimes it is so over-powering that it controls every aspect of our lives.

Personal beliefs, our principles and morals are the basis of our thoughts. Our low mood triggers negative thoughts and forms a chain reaction if we are unable to identify and stop it.

Become aware of your thought processes, simply acknowledging that they exist, helps in managing the negative thoughts. Our thoughts are automatic and fast, they keep on popping up and bombarding us, more so when they are negative.
 Thoughts that are more stressful or depressing should be dealt with first. Think about it, as they are the root cause of your negativity. When our beliefs are not matched with the outside world the distress creeps in. Identify the cause behind stress, despair and depression.
 Negative thoughts lead to negative outcomes. If you are depressed you will be thinking of negative outcomes, like failure in exams, unable to submit assignments on time, inability to concentrate, hopelessness etc. In order to break free of this destructive negative thinking pattern, become aware how they work and on what bases.
 Beliefs and values should be your main focus, as to see from where negative thinking is generating. Try to get control of things and situations before they become over whelming.
 Be optimistic, as it plays a key role in addressing negative thinking. The optimistic person accepts the facts and searches for solutions, while a pessimist attributes the factors that are not even in the situation, thus making the problem bigger than it was in reality.
 Focus on positive emotions and feelings, and replace the old thoughts by it. Think creatively and positively of the solutions, set achievable goals, and move away from negative triggers in the environment. Manage your negative emotions and feelings, this takes time, and your stress or depression will not simply vanish after it. But you will learn how to be a positive thinker.

If you continue to be negative, you will be attracting more negativity in life.
Let go of it and surround yourself with positive thoughts, you will be much happier.

OPENNESS IN RELATIONSHIP

People who need inspiration in life, expect to know the truth, and people who deserve motivation in life needs the same. Nothing can be as bonding in a relationship as truth. Lie breaks relationship, leading to heart ache and pain.

It is important to know and to find out how one’s spouse think, what his/her motivations are, life goals and inspirations are? Knowing the nature of your spouse you can automatically switch into that mode when difficult or distressing time comes. BUT it is shocking, emotionally disturbing to find out that the other person is secretive, and might be a compulsive liar.

Time and again we all do need a break, a distance, a space where we can be in touch to our inner self, keeping things to ourselves sometimes to work them out, or perhaps we do not want to hurt our partners feelings and emotions. But that doesn’t mean that one turn into a person where no one can reach him/her. Hiding things, being secretive or lying every now and then.

The basis on a true, loving and long lasting relationship is in openness, truth, sharing one’s thoughts and ideas. Sometimes what is right and true for us is not the same for another person. You need to find out the underlying cause of things, without being judgmental, without passing remarks. And the key to every relations is communication (that’s what I believe in).

It would indeed be difficult to trust a person who misused it earlier. But never break a relationship on it, rather try to develop a healthy bonding with the partner. Give the person enough love, so that he/she can open up to you, share his/her fears, tell the things that went wrong.

Openness helps build a sound relationship, where you set plans for future, share ideas, your private thoughts, knowing that you will not be judged or criticized, rather will be heard. Fulfilling each others emotional need which is boosted by honesty, love, openness which in turn are the core for a good relationship.

Relationships are very important part of our lives, do take care before you hurt someone by your lying habit.

SUCCESSFUL RAISING

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There is no fixed formula or pattern to raise a child. The parenting styles varies from child to child, depending on the nature of the parents, availability of the parents, and the nature of the child.

Be like the way, you want your child to be. Provide them with the right kind of environment, for growth, stability in emotions, and capability to think in a free manner. Every child has their own set of demands, which they want to be fulfilled. Some children express it in the gentle manner, while other show aggression. It is important mold them in a more appropriate and acceptable behavior.

There is certainly no need to jump in every now and then to be a dictator, laying down rules, being pushy and over observant. Children like to spend sometime alone, playing, where they do not want to be judged and told whether they are right or wrong. So, give them a little space, if they want to play alone or with other children, let them. Elbowing your way in is quiet embarrassing for your child, especially in presence of other children.

From the start show the importance of manners, by exercising it yourself, like, PLEASE, THANK YOU, WELCOME, GOOD MORNING, BLESS YOU etc. The child will observe you and follow course, once it is established at an early age, rest of the manner hierarchy is achieved on its own.

Refrain yourself from being over protective, let them do things on their own. This part is the difficult one, especially for mothers. I guess I did, the same, and was told to stop doing it, as it is not good for all the right reasons. I really is difficult to see your child having a hard time climbing and while coming down having a fall, where you can not stop yourself from providing all the help you can think up of. RESTRAIN. This is the greatest challenge I assume. Let them struggle, it will develop their ability to learn new tactics and improving their mistakes, and learning better ways to approach a problem.

In order to exercise some rules at home, it is better to have some discipline first, where the child knows what things are done in what manner. Whether they can play first or do they homework, or where they can watch cartoon endlessly or play outside, or do cycling. What I think works is, the TIME TABLE. It is not necessary to be very rigid, but the baseline is there for every one to follow. Even kids will automatically start thinking in that way. For example, they know in evenings they have to finish their school home work, they might like to watch a little TV for their Cartoon show, for which you can give them a little time, and they themselves will off TV and come to their work desks to finish off their work. IT REALLY WORKS, IT IS WORKING WITH ME.

Be warm and kind, hugging and loving your child and telling them that you love them do wonders for their emotions. Instead of being angry, take a deep breath and tell them assertively what is wrong behavior and which behavior is acceptable. Keep on practicing, it will work, Patience is the key in achieving everything, remember that.

Don’t ever scold or raise your voice on your child, in presence of others. This is the most humiliating thing that you can do, for embarrassing them. It is always better, to go down on your knees and explain that the behavior they are showing is not acceptable, if they need something, they should ask for it slowly and using the words like please. That’s what I do when my child is throwing a tantrum in supermarket. It do works.

Be there for your kids, spend  quality time with them, rather thinking that you can buy smiles by giving them toys etc. It doesn’t last in the long run. Kids do remember the sharing time, playing time as a family. Quality time means, that you switch off TV, put away your cell phone, and play with them, hear them out, listen to them carefully and respond them in the kindest manner possible.