ADOLESCENTS PROBLEMS

Adolescence is the stage marked between the period of puberty and adulthood, normal ranges from thirteen years to nineteen years., that too depends on the cultures and societies of which we are a part of.

Adolescence is the change or you can say transition period from childhood to adulthood. When numerous changes are taking place, morphological, anatomical, educational and psychological. At this time the peer pressure increases, awareness of opposite sex and their development is identified.

There are a large number of adolescents facing problems like, violence, poverty, abuses, maladjustment, family problems, etc. These problems sometimes lead to behavioral problems, rebelliousness, decrease in school grades, depression, traumas, shoplifting, drugs and alcohol ingestion.

  • identify the problem.
  • identify the reason behind the problem.
  • brainstorm the solutions for the problem.
  • evaluate the solutions that is applicable and practicable according to the problem.
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CONSCIOUS PARENT

Conscious parenting means to engage actively and consciously in all the aspects of parenting. Conscious parenting involves the “being” aspects of life unlike the “doing” aspects. It emphasis growth, truth and presence, and is an ongoing journey with lots of commitment.

Conscious parenting is not the traditional way of parenting, conscious parenting is a more engaging way of connecting with your child, acceptance, understanding, building confidence, thus developing a positive experience. Freedom for expressing ones feeling, providing empathy, guiding through examples, self-regulatory behavior, and developing a bond of parent child relationship.

Parenting is a difficult task, when we ourselves are snowed with lots of work, whether its our work or other tasks at hand. Parenting in itself is an art, a way of learning for ourselves, and certainly cannot be learned through books. The way everyone is different, in the same manner are the children, each having their own demands, their own nature.

It is typical of parents to punish the child for behaviors that are not accordance to them, without noticing and becoming conscious that this will reinforce the wrong behavior, and it strongly emphasizes conditional love. As a parent we must understand that disciplining cannot be done by putting conditions. We often put conditions, give threats for undesirable behavior, give punishments. Parents must learn and practice not to issue threats and the likes, rather raise independent, self-motivated children, those who are not driven by threats and punishments rather raised with conscious love, understanding, and caring. Knowing what their limits are and have an in-depth knowledge of their own personalities, understanding the reasons behind their own emotions, and of their child. Conscious parents do not focus on the problems, they try to find out the causes or reasons of certain behavior, and resolve them, without been judgmental.

While parenting, it is important that both the parents are on the same page of parenting. If the parents have different views of parenting a child, it creates conflict, and the child become confuse, as to what he/she should follow or listen too, or for that matter behave. The parents must discuss their ideas of parenting, how to approach a certain problem at hand, how to resolve a conflict, what approaches they think are conscious and reflects in the child.

Demanding some behavior from your child, without exercising it yourself is unjust. Parents are the role model, if you want your child to be disciplined, loving  understanding, helpful, independent, you certainly have to exercise everything yourself, as children are our mirror. children follow more the unspeakable language and learn more from it, than words that are said. Meaning of the actions and the way you express yourself speaks volume, and the child learn all of these without you consciously telling them. It is always wise to take a moment to think and analyze your anger, which is directed to your child, and you will surely calm yourself, when you try to understand the underlying cause of it. 

I am listing few websites that I came across, and would like to share here:

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SUCCESSFUL RAISING

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There is no fixed formula or pattern to raise a child. The parenting styles varies from child to child, depending on the nature of the parents, availability of the parents, and the nature of the child.

Be like the way, you want your child to be. Provide them with the right kind of environment, for growth, stability in emotions, and capability to think in a free manner. Every child has their own set of demands, which they want to be fulfilled. Some children express it in the gentle manner, while other show aggression. It is important mold them in a more appropriate and acceptable behavior.

There is certainly no need to jump in every now and then to be a dictator, laying down rules, being pushy and over observant. Children like to spend sometime alone, playing, where they do not want to be judged and told whether they are right or wrong. So, give them a little space, if they want to play alone or with other children, let them. Elbowing your way in is quiet embarrassing for your child, especially in presence of other children.

From the start show the importance of manners, by exercising it yourself, like, PLEASE, THANK YOU, WELCOME, GOOD MORNING, BLESS YOU etc. The child will observe you and follow course, once it is established at an early age, rest of the manner hierarchy is achieved on its own.

Refrain yourself from being over protective, let them do things on their own. This part is the difficult one, especially for mothers. I guess I did, the same, and was told to stop doing it, as it is not good for all the right reasons. I really is difficult to see your child having a hard time climbing and while coming down having a fall, where you can not stop yourself from providing all the help you can think up of. RESTRAIN. This is the greatest challenge I assume. Let them struggle, it will develop their ability to learn new tactics and improving their mistakes, and learning better ways to approach a problem.

In order to exercise some rules at home, it is better to have some discipline first, where the child knows what things are done in what manner. Whether they can play first or do they homework, or where they can watch cartoon endlessly or play outside, or do cycling. What I think works is, the TIME TABLE. It is not necessary to be very rigid, but the baseline is there for every one to follow. Even kids will automatically start thinking in that way. For example, they know in evenings they have to finish their school home work, they might like to watch a little TV for their Cartoon show, for which you can give them a little time, and they themselves will off TV and come to their work desks to finish off their work. IT REALLY WORKS, IT IS WORKING WITH ME.

Be warm and kind, hugging and loving your child and telling them that you love them do wonders for their emotions. Instead of being angry, take a deep breath and tell them assertively what is wrong behavior and which behavior is acceptable. Keep on practicing, it will work, Patience is the key in achieving everything, remember that.

Don’t ever scold or raise your voice on your child, in presence of others. This is the most humiliating thing that you can do, for embarrassing them. It is always better, to go down on your knees and explain that the behavior they are showing is not acceptable, if they need something, they should ask for it slowly and using the words like please. That’s what I do when my child is throwing a tantrum in supermarket. It do works.

Be there for your kids, spend  quality time with them, rather thinking that you can buy smiles by giving them toys etc. It doesn’t last in the long run. Kids do remember the sharing time, playing time as a family. Quality time means, that you switch off TV, put away your cell phone, and play with them, hear them out, listen to them carefully and respond them in the kindest manner possible.