POSITIVE PARENTING

 

My article POSITIVE PARENTING in Psych Magazine U.A.E. Click on the link to read the article.

POSITIVE PARENTING

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DEAL WITH PATIENCE

Are you in a hurry to get something done? Are you in a rush to complete your assignment? Are you being impatient with someone, not capable enough in your group? Are you losing your patience because you are not getting the required results?

Patience is an important Life Skill. Patience is the ability to tolerate waiting, delay or frustrations without getting upset or agitated. It is the ability to control your emotions or impulses and proceed calmly when faced with difficulties. Patience leads to emotional freedom which is a lifelong practice. In order to shape your talents and abilities you must deal with patience with yourself and with others. Keep on making the efforts until you master.

“It is not necessary for all men to be great in action. The greatest and sublimest power is often simple patience.” – Horace Bushnell.

Patience helps us in seeing the problem in a positive light, which we were unable to see when we were frustrated. Reframing the situation and the matter at hand can be viewed in a positive light only when we deal with it patiently.

Relax when you are engulfed with situations that seem too bleak to be resolved. When you have control over your emotions you are in a better position to see the situation and to deal with it in an effective manner. You avoid making hasty decisions. As at that time you know how to approach a problem and how to overcome the obstacles.

“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life” (Chinese Proverb). 

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS

While thinking what to write for my upcoming Counselling Newsletter for my school students, RESPONSIBILITY popped in my mind. And I thought that really this is missing these days in students, who are more carefree and tend to blame others. So here is what I wrote, enjoy reading.

Responsibility is basic to learning environment. Students who are well disciplined take responsibility for their own actions, behaviors and academics. They behave well, do better in academics, as they are self-motivated, and self-directed, having set goals that they have to achieve. Such students don’t make excuses for not completing their work, preparing for tests, and they don’t blame others for their own mistakes. Analyze your actions:

• Do you realize how precious time is for your academics? And you are not wasting it!
• You have set goals & are working towards achieving them.
• You have a study plan and keep track of your assignments.
• You do not wait for the last moment to start the preparation for tests.
• You follow teacher’s instruction.
• You are fair in your dealings and do not blame others for your follies. You know that you are responsible for your actions.
• You have faith in your abilities, and don’t become defensive when you make a mistake.

If all answers are in affirmative,
EUREKA!
We are proud of you. You are really responsible!

“Peak performance begins with your taking complete responsibility for your life and everything that happens to you.”- Brian Tracy.

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OPENNESS IN RELATIONSHIP

People who need inspiration in life, expect to know the truth, and people who deserve motivation in life needs the same. Nothing can be as bonding in a relationship as truth. Lie breaks relationship, leading to heart ache and pain.

It is important to know and to find out how one’s spouse think, what his/her motivations are, life goals and inspirations are? Knowing the nature of your spouse you can automatically switch into that mode when difficult or distressing time comes. BUT it is shocking, emotionally disturbing to find out that the other person is secretive, and might be a compulsive liar.

Time and again we all do need a break, a distance, a space where we can be in touch to our inner self, keeping things to ourselves sometimes to work them out, or perhaps we do not want to hurt our partners feelings and emotions. But that doesn’t mean that one turn into a person where no one can reach him/her. Hiding things, being secretive or lying every now and then.

The basis on a true, loving and long lasting relationship is in openness, truth, sharing one’s thoughts and ideas. Sometimes what is right and true for us is not the same for another person. You need to find out the underlying cause of things, without being judgmental, without passing remarks. And the key to every relations is communication (that’s what I believe in).

It would indeed be difficult to trust a person who misused it earlier. But never break a relationship on it, rather try to develop a healthy bonding with the partner. Give the person enough love, so that he/she can open up to you, share his/her fears, tell the things that went wrong.

Openness helps build a sound relationship, where you set plans for future, share ideas, your private thoughts, knowing that you will not be judged or criticized, rather will be heard. Fulfilling each others emotional need which is boosted by honesty, love, openness which in turn are the core for a good relationship.

Relationships are very important part of our lives, do take care before you hurt someone by your lying habit.

LETTING GO OF HURT

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The things that happened in the past, may it some emotional trauma, physical abuse, being hurt by someone deeply, some profound loss caused by someone, treated badly, a terrible heartache, which lead you to depression, left you broken, emotionally drained, low self esteem, loss of faith in people, feeling of physical and emotional stress, and lead you to have suicidal thoughts.

As these things happen, we ask ourselves, are we really ready to let go of the hurt, the emotional trauma we have being through.even if we come to terms of what happened to us is just over and we look ahead to life, we are still nagged by that traumatizing event in our life.

So, do you think it really is over? Have you really let go of the past?

I guess not. That is why you are visited by the demons of your past, which makes you unhappy now, sad now, and you weep when the thought crosses your mind. It is still haunting you and snatching away the happiness that you can have now in the present, and may be you are still having a strained relationship with that person, or perhaps it is distracting you from your work at hand, snatching away the chance to live your life to the fullest.

Oscar Wilde said, “Always forgive your enemies — nothing annoys them so much.”

Forgiving someone means that you understand your anger towards them, understand what it had cost you, and you analyze what further it will cost you in future too, and how it is affecting your present. You acknowledge how it has made you the hostage  and how it is manipulating your emotions, your chance to be happy now in the present.

the only thing we feel satisfied and relaxed in is showing anger towards that person, or hatred towards people who brought the miseries in your life. That is the only defense mechanism we work with, and don’t see how we can easily come out of it, if we tried some other things, some other way of handling that past event.

As, it is in our own hands to be happy, and our happiness depends on us. Continuing with some resentment makes us more depressive.

Its about time that the hurt is let go of. To live again, to be happy again.

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Letting go, doesn’t mean that you are not strong enough to stand and continue on fighting. It means that you are strong enough, and are wiser, to let go of past which not significant in your present and in your future. You think of the reasons behind the person who hurt you, whys, and whats. Screen out and understand why it all happened, empathize.

Understand that you are through with it, and you are ready to let go of hurt it caused you, the heartache you have being through, and are choosing something more significant in your life, the PRESENT, HAPPINESS.

Let the doors open for happiness to come in, for trust to be built again, for love to come and embrace you. 

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi.

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I firmly believe in this quote:

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  THE LESSONS OF LIFE

As we age, we all as human beings, learn things through our own experiences, and shared experiences. As we know that no one is perfect, and we make mistakes, only to learn from them, and try not to commit the same mistake again. No one can say that, they didn’t make mistake in their life, it is just part of growing up, getting more mature and experienced.

As we grow up we become aware that, our actions have consequences for which we are accountable to ourselves. We become a little wiser, and start analyzing life and its happening more alertly, become more conscious of our decision making process. We try to chose things that are in accordance to our nature, and we tend to take risks too, knowing how much we can push ourselves, or how strong we are to face adversity.

Each mistake that we make, give us a new lesson, a new way of thinking and approaching ideas, and decisions in our life. We keep on struggling to find a path to our destiny, by trial and error process, approaching ideas and ways each time in a different manner, one that suits our need and fulfills our desire. Learning motivates us to be more resilient, inculcates a deeper understanding of the life we are living.

All of you must be knowing this saying:

“TIME TEACHES ALL”.

Stop for a moment and relax, breath in and out with ease, and take your time in doing so. Now think what you learned in life, all the time that you spent, going to school, college, having relationships  friends, your work.

  • What you really learned?
  • Have you been able to rectify your mistakes?
  • Have you really learned anything that set the future course of your life?
  • What you changed by your experiences?
  • Or, all the learning that you did had gone waste?

Start your learning, and exploring yourself:

  • Everyone is leading his/her own life, so why not you stop worrying about others and start living yourself , for a start.
  • Know that whatever you choose for yourself, gives a much more higher satisfaction, as compared to, what others chose for you.
  • Start treating life as a friendly journey, where you indulge and play, and learn what has to offer you.
  • Never let go of the lesson an experience taught you, it is so much valuable for you, as you do not want to go through it again.
  • Learn to treat the life, the way you want to be treated. Whatever goes along comes along.
  • Life is too precious to waste, so learn to live inn the full manner and let others live to.
  • Give a chance to yourself to LIVE, by FORGIVING, it is the greatest thing that you can do for yourself. 
  • Keep on struggling on road to success, as nothing goes to waste. You will succeed sooner or later.
  • Decide whether you wan to be happy for the rest of your life or not, because it is your own attitude towards life, which will come to you.
  • Make peace with your past.
  • Stay true and loyal to yourself, don’t take help of cheating, to succeed, as you will fall if you do so.
  • Relationships are precious, give them, their time. You will know its worth, when it is not there.
  • Let go of things that are beyond repair, and cannot be changed, choose another path towards your goals.
  • Be thankful for whatever you have at present, don’t look back, nor forward.
  • Know one thing, that nothing can be achieved just by wishful thinking. You are supposed to take action in a positive manner, and set your horses on a favorable direction.
  • Be courageous, nothing will defeat you, not even your own fears.
  • Surround yourself with people who motivates you, keep you pushing and make you realize how special you are. Not the fake ones who are nothing and develop dependency in you.

 

“There are no such things as limits to growth, because there are no limits to the human capacity for intelligence, imagination, and wonder.” Ronald Reagan.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE PRECIOUS

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Every relationship begins with excitement, joy, and long time life commitments are made by both partners. Building up a healthy understanding is crucial in the beginning, which lays a foundation stone for years to come. Give time to each other exclusively  without any other commitments, try to understand the nature of the partner, grew close in a loving relationship.

Once the relationship is established  after a sometime, it seems a drag. We all know a few bumps and down the hill factors come in ones marriages, that is the normal thing, and nothing to be depressive about.

The main things is to recognize them at the right time, and deal with it without taking sides, in a rational and practical manner. It is the couples responsibility to understand the problems, which they are having, and try to sit together and sort them out in a positive manner, keeping in view the marriage, and how they want to make it successful.

While living together, we get to know, how the other person works in different situations, what make the other partner ticks, what are the things that the partner likes and what he/she dislikes, what is the nature of the other person. This helps a lot in approaching the issue, and resolving it in a sensible manner.

Most of the problems arise from poor communication, where the partners have lack of communication and are unable to express their feelings, or are unable to share things. This doesn’t happen in one day, it starts and is noticed later on. It is important for both the partners to identify this issue early, and should never close channels of communication, expressing ones feelings, emotions and thoughts. 

If are having a strained relationship, give it time, put in more efforts to make each other happy, be around at time of need, show your love, and concern, don’t let your partner be in a withdrawn state.

Start by:

  • Understand to which background and lifestyle your partner belongs to, it will make things easier for you to handle and understand. Everyone is different in showing emotions and reacting to things, some are over joyous  have more descriptive ability, some show more love and demand it in return to, while some are overly angry sort.
  • Don’t push your presence on the other person. Everyone has their own personal space, and like to exercise it to. Giving someone space doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t love you, rather it is a more mature way of living.
  • Don’t force your likes and dislikes on your partner. If you are doing that, it will definitely crush their happiness. As no one is same, than how can the likes and dislikes for things can be similar. Let the partner have freedom of expression  and never try to force your thinking on him/her.
  • It is reminded to us from time and again, not to have expectations. It is true too in marriage as well. Cut down on expectations as they really, if they are not met. 
  • Everyone has their own point of view, so why not you 2 have as well. Accepting others view is important. Try to find out what your partner means by a certain thing he/she said. What was the reason behind that thinking, it will make it easier for you to understand that view point. There is no point in fighting over a thinking pattern either of you have. Even if you do not agree what other have said, just accept it or provide a rational statement, and avoid having an argument.
  • Stop relying on technology to express your feelings. I certainly not believe on Telephone conversation, as you never know what mood the other person is in. Rather set up a time to relax and sharing. Take time out from your responsibilities and spend quality time with each other, which is uninterrupted by phones, TV, or other such techno stuff. 
  • Sometimes it is advisable to be just quiet and make your partner feel relax too. if you are having an argument and knows no matter what you say, your partner will not listen, give in, and stay calm. It doesn’t mean that yo are wrong, it means you are responsible enough to make your relationship work and love your partner.
  • Don’t assume that your partner will judge our mood and your thinking, and will act accordingly. Speaking up and expressing yourself puts your emotions in a better light, rather than staying in a  MUM state. 
  • Spend sometime alone, in relaxing and going out, doing things that you like, it freshens you up, which is very positive.
  • Develop trust in your partner, and trusting your partner as well. Never leave any room for doubt.
  • If you are having doubts, speak up and let your partner know, sort hem out in a relaxed manner.
  • Don’t be criticizing all  the time, whether its your husband or your wife. No one is perfect, understand the persons strengths and weaknesses and accept them.
  • Apologizing doesn’t make you small, it means that you care enough.
  • You can never truly love someone, by changing them. So stop thinking that way.
  • Plan holidays where the two of you can have exclusive time for each other, this helps in strong bonding, which is essential in marriage.
  • Rekindle your love time and again.

Never leave a true relation for few small faults.
Nobody is perfect,nobody is correct… and Remember affection is always greater than perfection…”

 

 

WAKEUP TO THE NEW YOU

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There are never ending complaint, about activities of which we are not part of, things we can’t get, love lost, unsatisfactory job, not so ideal home, and the list goes on.

Take charge of yourself, realize who you are and what you meant to do. Everything begins from you in the first place, be it anything, home, job, relationships, YOUR LIFE.

So why all these complaints?

If you are sluggish or feeling too low to move, having depressive outlook. BETTER START being active, take first step, head towards feeling fresh, have a make over, which boost your self esteem a lot. BELIEVE ME IT WILL DO WONDERS TO LIFT UP YOUR SPIRIT.

Deal with things, one at a time. Anything which is more troublesome should be dealt first. If you are not satisfied with your job, start looking for something which you wish to do since a long time. Staying in place, with low Job Satisfaction, affects productivity level and again is reflected in your attitude and general outlook of life. Follow your passion, anything you enjoy doing, painting, photography, having your own business. In short follow your dreams.

Healthy relationship, are important to keeping yourselves intact, having varied emotions and understanding how we react to situations which are demanding. Try to develop a good circle of friends, who are happy go lucky, who face adversity with a challenge, and have a positive outlook of life. These people boost your positive energy, and you have more better outlook to deal with hand on problems.

  •  Take things easy, never rush your decisions, think out a couple of times, analyzing the situation and then making a decision.
  •  Ego is the worst thing that you can do to yourself. No one has ever benefited from it. Let go of ego, and embrace the things with open heart.
  •  Challenge yourself, as it forces you to move, groom you to attempt in a better way.
  • Adapt to the changes in your life. It makes life easier.
  •  Come out from your comfort zone, nothing can be achieved just by sitting and relaxing. Best things in are achieved through struggle and hard work.
  •  Learn from your mistakes, experiences are the best teachers, leading you to a better path. Depending whether you are ready to learn or not.
  •  Embrace love openly without second thoughts, or being a judgmental.
  •  Wake up feeling energetic, and planing your day, focusing on positive aspects.
  •  Engage in activities that makes you happy.
  •  Exercise it is the energy booster.

Practice these things, and you will notice the changes in yourself.

GIVE GOOD AND GOOD WILL COME TO YOU.

Think about these:

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