CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Conflict is a natural, vital part of life. When conflict is understood, it can become an opportunity to learn and create. The challenge for people in conflict is to apply the principles of creative cooperation in their human relationships. (Richard Bodine, Donna Crawford, and Fred Schrumpf. Creating the Peaceable School: A Comprehensive Program for Teaching conflict Resolution).

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Conflict management and its resolution is a skill to work effectively in academics, work or social setting, so as to succeed as an independent individual. Conflict Management skill develops early in life, where a child develops the ability to read the non-verbal cues like, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice etc. that are part of socializing.

 

 

In order to manage conflict begin by:

  • Accepting the conflict. It will play an important role in managing conflict. Remember, conflict occurs in everyday life and it provides the opportunity to grow, understand and enhance communication skills.
  • Whether you are a sounding board to your friend or you are dealing with your own conflicts, remember that your response or the way you deal with a conflicting situation might escalate the intensity or decrease the intensity of the problem at hand. Be calm as it provides an opportunity to be neutral and helps in thinking clearly the action plan to resolve the problem.
  • Get to know or analyze the reasons behind the conflict, why it made you angry, what you are afraid of losing, who are you angry with etc.
  • Be specific about the problem or the conflict and only devise ways to resolve it, without being judgmental.
  • Work together, without blaming each other or self for the problem.
  • Communicate effectively, which includes the behavior to listen, and speak about facts and feelings. Expressing your concerns without being aggressive, and exercising self-control in order to avoid emotional out-bursts.

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THINKING NEGATIVELY

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We do face the problem of negative thinking. It might be due to any incident or event that has occurred and we find ourselves in the midst of negative thinking pattern. Sometimes it is so over-powering that it controls every aspect of our lives.

Personal beliefs, our principles and morals are the basis of our thoughts. Our low mood triggers negative thoughts and forms a chain reaction if we are unable to identify and stop it.

Become aware of your thought processes, simply acknowledging that they exist, helps in managing the negative thoughts. Our thoughts are automatic and fast, they keep on popping up and bombarding us, more so when they are negative.
 Thoughts that are more stressful or depressing should be dealt with first. Think about it, as they are the root cause of your negativity. When our beliefs are not matched with the outside world the distress creeps in. Identify the cause behind stress, despair and depression.
 Negative thoughts lead to negative outcomes. If you are depressed you will be thinking of negative outcomes, like failure in exams, unable to submit assignments on time, inability to concentrate, hopelessness etc. In order to break free of this destructive negative thinking pattern, become aware how they work and on what bases.
 Beliefs and values should be your main focus, as to see from where negative thinking is generating. Try to get control of things and situations before they become over whelming.
 Be optimistic, as it plays a key role in addressing negative thinking. The optimistic person accepts the facts and searches for solutions, while a pessimist attributes the factors that are not even in the situation, thus making the problem bigger than it was in reality.
 Focus on positive emotions and feelings, and replace the old thoughts by it. Think creatively and positively of the solutions, set achievable goals, and move away from negative triggers in the environment. Manage your negative emotions and feelings, this takes time, and your stress or depression will not simply vanish after it. But you will learn how to be a positive thinker.

If you continue to be negative, you will be attracting more negativity in life.
Let go of it and surround yourself with positive thoughts, you will be much happier.

  THE LESSONS OF LIFE

As we age, we all as human beings, learn things through our own experiences, and shared experiences. As we know that no one is perfect, and we make mistakes, only to learn from them, and try not to commit the same mistake again. No one can say that, they didn’t make mistake in their life, it is just part of growing up, getting more mature and experienced.

As we grow up we become aware that, our actions have consequences for which we are accountable to ourselves. We become a little wiser, and start analyzing life and its happening more alertly, become more conscious of our decision making process. We try to chose things that are in accordance to our nature, and we tend to take risks too, knowing how much we can push ourselves, or how strong we are to face adversity.

Each mistake that we make, give us a new lesson, a new way of thinking and approaching ideas, and decisions in our life. We keep on struggling to find a path to our destiny, by trial and error process, approaching ideas and ways each time in a different manner, one that suits our need and fulfills our desire. Learning motivates us to be more resilient, inculcates a deeper understanding of the life we are living.

All of you must be knowing this saying:

“TIME TEACHES ALL”.

Stop for a moment and relax, breath in and out with ease, and take your time in doing so. Now think what you learned in life, all the time that you spent, going to school, college, having relationships  friends, your work.

  • What you really learned?
  • Have you been able to rectify your mistakes?
  • Have you really learned anything that set the future course of your life?
  • What you changed by your experiences?
  • Or, all the learning that you did had gone waste?

Start your learning, and exploring yourself:

  • Everyone is leading his/her own life, so why not you stop worrying about others and start living yourself , for a start.
  • Know that whatever you choose for yourself, gives a much more higher satisfaction, as compared to, what others chose for you.
  • Start treating life as a friendly journey, where you indulge and play, and learn what has to offer you.
  • Never let go of the lesson an experience taught you, it is so much valuable for you, as you do not want to go through it again.
  • Learn to treat the life, the way you want to be treated. Whatever goes along comes along.
  • Life is too precious to waste, so learn to live inn the full manner and let others live to.
  • Give a chance to yourself to LIVE, by FORGIVING, it is the greatest thing that you can do for yourself. 
  • Keep on struggling on road to success, as nothing goes to waste. You will succeed sooner or later.
  • Decide whether you wan to be happy for the rest of your life or not, because it is your own attitude towards life, which will come to you.
  • Make peace with your past.
  • Stay true and loyal to yourself, don’t take help of cheating, to succeed, as you will fall if you do so.
  • Relationships are precious, give them, their time. You will know its worth, when it is not there.
  • Let go of things that are beyond repair, and cannot be changed, choose another path towards your goals.
  • Be thankful for whatever you have at present, don’t look back, nor forward.
  • Know one thing, that nothing can be achieved just by wishful thinking. You are supposed to take action in a positive manner, and set your horses on a favorable direction.
  • Be courageous, nothing will defeat you, not even your own fears.
  • Surround yourself with people who motivates you, keep you pushing and make you realize how special you are. Not the fake ones who are nothing and develop dependency in you.

 

“There are no such things as limits to growth, because there are no limits to the human capacity for intelligence, imagination, and wonder.” Ronald Reagan.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE PRECIOUS

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Every relationship begins with excitement, joy, and long time life commitments are made by both partners. Building up a healthy understanding is crucial in the beginning, which lays a foundation stone for years to come. Give time to each other exclusively  without any other commitments, try to understand the nature of the partner, grew close in a loving relationship.

Once the relationship is established  after a sometime, it seems a drag. We all know a few bumps and down the hill factors come in ones marriages, that is the normal thing, and nothing to be depressive about.

The main things is to recognize them at the right time, and deal with it without taking sides, in a rational and practical manner. It is the couples responsibility to understand the problems, which they are having, and try to sit together and sort them out in a positive manner, keeping in view the marriage, and how they want to make it successful.

While living together, we get to know, how the other person works in different situations, what make the other partner ticks, what are the things that the partner likes and what he/she dislikes, what is the nature of the other person. This helps a lot in approaching the issue, and resolving it in a sensible manner.

Most of the problems arise from poor communication, where the partners have lack of communication and are unable to express their feelings, or are unable to share things. This doesn’t happen in one day, it starts and is noticed later on. It is important for both the partners to identify this issue early, and should never close channels of communication, expressing ones feelings, emotions and thoughts. 

If are having a strained relationship, give it time, put in more efforts to make each other happy, be around at time of need, show your love, and concern, don’t let your partner be in a withdrawn state.

Start by:

  • Understand to which background and lifestyle your partner belongs to, it will make things easier for you to handle and understand. Everyone is different in showing emotions and reacting to things, some are over joyous  have more descriptive ability, some show more love and demand it in return to, while some are overly angry sort.
  • Don’t push your presence on the other person. Everyone has their own personal space, and like to exercise it to. Giving someone space doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t love you, rather it is a more mature way of living.
  • Don’t force your likes and dislikes on your partner. If you are doing that, it will definitely crush their happiness. As no one is same, than how can the likes and dislikes for things can be similar. Let the partner have freedom of expression  and never try to force your thinking on him/her.
  • It is reminded to us from time and again, not to have expectations. It is true too in marriage as well. Cut down on expectations as they really, if they are not met. 
  • Everyone has their own point of view, so why not you 2 have as well. Accepting others view is important. Try to find out what your partner means by a certain thing he/she said. What was the reason behind that thinking, it will make it easier for you to understand that view point. There is no point in fighting over a thinking pattern either of you have. Even if you do not agree what other have said, just accept it or provide a rational statement, and avoid having an argument.
  • Stop relying on technology to express your feelings. I certainly not believe on Telephone conversation, as you never know what mood the other person is in. Rather set up a time to relax and sharing. Take time out from your responsibilities and spend quality time with each other, which is uninterrupted by phones, TV, or other such techno stuff. 
  • Sometimes it is advisable to be just quiet and make your partner feel relax too. if you are having an argument and knows no matter what you say, your partner will not listen, give in, and stay calm. It doesn’t mean that yo are wrong, it means you are responsible enough to make your relationship work and love your partner.
  • Don’t assume that your partner will judge our mood and your thinking, and will act accordingly. Speaking up and expressing yourself puts your emotions in a better light, rather than staying in a  MUM state. 
  • Spend sometime alone, in relaxing and going out, doing things that you like, it freshens you up, which is very positive.
  • Develop trust in your partner, and trusting your partner as well. Never leave any room for doubt.
  • If you are having doubts, speak up and let your partner know, sort hem out in a relaxed manner.
  • Don’t be criticizing all  the time, whether its your husband or your wife. No one is perfect, understand the persons strengths and weaknesses and accept them.
  • Apologizing doesn’t make you small, it means that you care enough.
  • You can never truly love someone, by changing them. So stop thinking that way.
  • Plan holidays where the two of you can have exclusive time for each other, this helps in strong bonding, which is essential in marriage.
  • Rekindle your love time and again.

Never leave a true relation for few small faults.
Nobody is perfect,nobody is correct… and Remember affection is always greater than perfection…”